Nine different Smiles
by J.Dax
Summary: The boys of SG1 sit and brood about Sam's engagment, until she comes in and straightens them out. Implied JackSam and some SamDaniel. New chap. Sam's thoughts about the problem she's been having with her guys.
1. cool

Samantha Carter has nine different smiles. Ten if you count the polite one reserved for people outside our team. But only nine for her teammates on SG-1; three different ones specifically for the three prominent men in her life, and I never noticed them until after I had come back.

It seems odd that I would berate myself for missing that tiny, seemingly insignificant, detail about her.

But after my ascension and then reentering that substantial physical state of being, and the return of my memories, I felt oddly guilty for missing it all those years.

It had taken me a few days to realize, but afterwards I could suddenly recall each moment in the time we had preciously spent together when she used those special grins that absently endeared the three of us to her.

And I wished I had noticed and relished them when they were being given, because now they came at a more sparing rate, and at some unconscious level we all noticed it and felt a tug of loss at every chance that she didn't take to dish them out.

Then we found out she had gone and gotten herself engaged to her boyfriend Pete, and our explanation for the recent absence of her smiles bit us unpleasantly in the rear like a frosty wind that annoyingly nips at your fingers.

Jack was upset, although I don't think he knew why, and for some weeks after learning of his subordinate's engagement he would continuously come to my office and sulk in confusion.

I also began getting frequent visits from Teal'c, who himself seemed unsure as to why he was suddenly feeling, for lack of a better word, depressed.

I made note of this behavior among other things, and the less I saw of Sam, the more I sunk into the general mood that my other two friends already provided.

It was easy to be pulled in by their attitude, considering that my office had now been unwillingly turned into the main gathering place for the men of SG-1 now that one of our own was spreading away from our tightly woven net of friendship.

I began making a mental tally of what I was going to miss about Sam.

If anyone were to see us like this, the greatest team in the SGC and their former member, the General and overall leader of the place, sitting here, down in the dumps just because their female teammate was getting married, the word pathetic would definitely arise.

She wasn't going anywhere.

Logic dictated that, and yet we felt sorrowful as if she had left us for good.

So, while making this list of things I would undoubtedly miss about her, I came across the interesting revelation of her smiles.

Stumbling upon this, as I so happen to be in the presence of Jack and Teal'c, I looked at each of them for memory reference so they could unknowingly participate in my reminiscence.

She had three smiles for Jack. I thought, looking at the older man, sitting at the edge of my desk and brooding, head in his hand and elbows propped up on his crossed legs.

One was a small, shy, turn up of the mouth, which was accompanied by a quick but noticeable downcast of her eyes. This one normally followed a compliment he would give her.

Another came after he would give her those subtle glances and oddly placed smiles of his own that reminded pretty much everyone how much he cared for the officer in his chain of command, even though it was against regulations. These instances usually won him that confused expression she got on her face, in which her mouth spread wide in response to his attention, but her eyes held a questioning gaze and her eyebrows rose considerably upon her forehead trying to figure out his intentions.

Then there was that very notable one. The one I sometimes wished I could claim. But no, it was just for him, and always would be, no matter how much she declared to love another man.

It was that crooked line that looked almost like she was trying to make up her mind on whether to frown or giggle. One section of her mouth curved upward and fought against another section that tried to give way to the direction of gravity. Her forehead would scrunch adorably and her grin would soon triumph as she shook her head and beamed at him.

This was her private signature. The one only Jack could hold to his name, because only he could say those witty things that made her want to laugh, that made her love him though it was utterly hopeless for anything to come of it and certainly by now they were both looking forward to moving on.

Or not.

I added as an afterthought as I again looked at the man who had every right to be called my best friend.

Sure, he is dating another girl now, Kerry I think her name was, but the way he looked at the moment you'd think Carter had been his soul mate and then just up and died before he'd had a chance to reveal this to her. You would never suspect him of holding current relations with a middle-aged bombshell.

Anyway, then there are the three smiles she has for Teal'c.

Normally she would give him and apologetic smile. Where she allowed her lips to curl at the corners in a bit of a sheepish manner, and her head to tilt slightly sideways while she looked at him with those wide blue eyes that had "sorry" written briefly in them.

This one basically came after O'Neill said something that the Jaffa did not understand, or when she accidentally got them in trouble after he had warned her, cryptic though it was, about certain dangers.

The other she gave was almost on par with the intervals of her apologetic one. It was sympathetic and understanding. They would share a mutually grimaced look, than she would nod slightly and smirk, sometimes followed by a pat on the shoulder for reassurance. Which Teal'c confided in him some time ago, gave him comfort, even though he was a strong warrior who did not require such.

Daniel knew better. Especially with the way his friend was acting now. Apparently he did require it.

Than there was her grateful smile. The one that was warranted when the Jaffa saved her life, customarily after he dragged her out of the line of fire, or shot a combating opponent that was about to take a hit at her, or when he did things for her on a minimal scale like catching her when she was about to trip.

Those moments he exploited his chivalry without the impression that he thought she could not handle herself, so she would let tension visibly ease from her body and her mouth would quirk in silent "thanks", her eyes portraying that she was glad for his assistance.

Daniel wondered how such a simple act could beso hugely desired. It wasn't as if they were all head over heals in love with her.

Okay, maybe Jack was...and maybe Daniel sometimes thought about...but that wasn't the point.

Sam was their friend and a subordinate officer.

He supposed that he could chalk it up to eight years of being used to receiving something like that, no matter how trivial it was to the rest of humanity (and other species not so easily named), when it was so instantly taken away it left an unwelcome emptiness in its wake.

He felt as if he should cherish those things about her. Imprint them into his mind. She was a really, _really, _close friend after all. And in some remote corner of his mind, and inkling of jealousy was resonant, as he hoped that her fiancé had not gone and taken any of _their _smiles for himself.

Well, at least not any of _his _smiles.

That had happened previously. Sam had given one of the smiles she specifically had stashed away for him, to the man almost directly responsible for his death, Jonas Quinn.

He had heard about it from a nosey nurse after he had begun remembering.

It was that smile she gave him when he aided her in work and let her talk enthusiastically to him when she was excited about a certain scientific discovery, and when he had given her brilliant ideas, sometimes without realizing it.

It was like a lightening bolt zooming across her face at impossible speeds. She give an all out, Cheshire grin, that filled his vision and he could see her mind turning in concentration as she whirled around to go test this latest inspiration.

If hehad disliked Jonas before, he hated him now.

But he took solace in the fact that his two other smiles were safe. And only he knew how to get those ones to show themselves.

There was her triumphant smile. It was large and smug, showing her teeth as she revealed how proud she was in him after he'd done something selfless and heroic, or had made an exceptional break through on a project.

He loved the feeling he got when she was proud of him, and basked in the reward of her praise.

And the one he held above the other two, and even above the ones she gave his comrades, her caring smile.

It was that soft, knowledgeable, upside down half-moon that appeared when she could recognize his grievance and his distraught emotions. When she reached out to him and gave him exactly what he needed, be it a comforting word or a warm embrace.

In his soul he could feel that smile, and it relaxed his pain, he could literally touch the connection of friendship they had developed over the years. And thinking about it now, he desperately prayed that that smile had not and never would be given to anyone else but him.

It was the most selfishness Daniel Jackson had exercised over anything in his life.

And unless you were prepared to fight tooth and nail to take those away, than you were better to keep your distance.

"I'll miss the smiles," Daniel muttered to no one, though Jack and Teal'c heard him clearly and nodded their agreement, just now beginning to see what it had meant to them.

"I'll miss the technobable," Jack added to the slight surprise of his teammates who knew how much he hated getting mixed up by what he considered to be Carter's own invented foreign language.

"I do not understand," Teal'c said, "She is here...yet she is not"

A collective defeated sigh came from the moping bunch.

They all jolted a bit when the door swung open and the subject of their thoughts walked in.

"I've been looking everywhere for you guys," she said with a puzzled frown as she saw the state they were in, "What's wrong? Why do you all look so..." she tapered off and glanced at the General, "Sir, at the risk of sounding cliché, did somebody die?"

Jack gave her a look that made her give him her confused smile, and suddenly he was feeling just peachy and did not fail to mention so.

She turned to Teal'c who said, "We were simply reflecting, Colonel Carter, it is nothing to be alarmed about"

To this she responded with her apologetic smile, and Teal'c's mood took a dose of happiness, although you could never tell with him unless you were one of the four people in that room currently.

Then she settled her gaze on Daniel, "Well" she commented, "What are you reflecting on? And why does it have you all so glum?"

Daniel met her gaze and against his will, he confessed what they were all thinking, "Our little girl's getting married!" he almost wailed.

"What?" she asked in an incredulous tone at his outburst.

Jack took it upon himself to clarify, "You're getting married! No more late nights in the lab, no more evenings out with the boys, no more sneaking work home with Daniel so you two can stay up and brain storm. And no more smiles!"

Sam glanced around at all of them like they were insane, and they were beginning to question their mental integrity themselves as they each felt about close to tears.

"With all due respect, Sir, get a grip!" she demanded, crossing the cramped room to grab his wrists and hold them in place in order to make him cease choking down sobs and actually look at her.

"What's so bad about me having a life now?" she asked, giving them each a chance to answer in turn as she looked at all of them, hands still clasped in the General's.

Daniel spoke once more, "There's nothing bad with you having a life, Sam...We just don't want things to change. We want to be able to kick you out of the lab for working too late, and be confused by your technobable when you try to protest." Jack nodded eagerly in agreement, giving her the expression of a puppy that had just been denied his favorite pass time.

Daniel continued, "And we want to train with you in the gym when you're so angry with Jack that you have to hit something"

At this Jack scowled and adamantly shook his head with fierce argument, but Teal'c was nodding his approval at this statement. And without them realizing, Sam dished out two more smiles, the one to Jack when he made her want to laugh, and the sympathetic one to Teal'c because she knew he would miss the time spent working out with her.

And then, subtly unnoticed by the still ranting Daniel, she gave him her proud smile, feeling very happy with him for revealing this to her, seemingly unfearful of the result.

"And we want to stay up all night with you researching and working...and we don't want you to give your smiles to anyone but us" he finished a bit nervously.

Sam did not know how to reply to this statement.

For a moment she just stood there, looking at all of them and holding Jack's hands in her own (which neither of them seemed to be aware of) like it was the most natural thing in the universe.

Finally she spoke, "Is that what you've all been so upset about lately? That you won't be apart of my life once I get married?" she had to laugh and they all looked at her expectantly.

"You know, Pete was worried about the same thing, he thought you guys _are _my life and that he would just be a bystander in it" she shook her head and her gaze locked with the General's for a moment of silent communication before she took her hands from his and backed away to get a full view of all of them.

It did not escape Daniel's notice that she had referred to her life as "you _guys" _and not simply, "the SGC".

"I can't believe I was expecting this" she said with a light hearted giggle, "I guess I've known you all too long...Look, I'm not going to stop hanging around the lab at all hours just because I tied the knot, there'll be a lot of days when something very important falls into my lap and I'll need to solve it as soon as possible. And Pete's job is fairly demanding in its own right, there will be times when he'll need to work late so I'll probably be wandering around the base looking for someone to spar with me in the gym. And I still find physics the most relaxing thing in the world," she gave a sideways glance to O'Neill, "so I'll still be trying to sneak work home and call Daniel up to help me brainstorm on a problem"

She took a breath and then sighed, here was the hard part, "It's true I'll be spending my down time with my husband and I wont put in so much overtime, and perhaps, but I think you all guessed this, I wont be able to just go out with you guys whenever we have a whim to drink at O'Malley's until they kick us out." that elicited a few smirks.

"But seriously...if there's one thing you absolutely do not have to worry about happening, is that I wont smile and be content with anyone elsethe same way I am with you guys"

There was a pointed look in Jack's direction, which he returned with a knowing nod.

Sam then looked at Daniel and sealed her statement with that comforting smile that he so cherished, and he knew beyond a doubt that she would not last for long without them around.

The way things were going to be, as she just described, though, was too hard to imagine. She made it sound like nothing was going to change when in fact it was and they all realized it.

Either she'd have to work out a compromising and difficult alternative, or choose one life over another, SG-1 or Pete.

The threat of that ultimatum hung in the air, even as they all got up to participate in a rare group hug that only happened once every other full-moon, and only on days that were especially grueling for the entire team.

They all knew this constituted as one of them.

Still, at least they had Sam's smiles.


	2. Extra

Samantha Carter has three extra smiles.

I say extra because they were simply added on during the time I was a member of SG-1.

I noticed the six smiles she gave Teal'c and O'Neill, and I'm pretty sure she had three more for Dr. Jackson, only they had been set on waiting wings, hoping that he would return to claim them although at the time it hadn't seemed likely.

She eased me into the team, somehow making the transition more fluid than it actually was. She has a way of doing that, even though she was the one who had grieved the hardest and longest for their lost member.

She guided O'Neill and I, against our knowledge and conscious will, in a haphazard friendship that would have never worked otherwise if she hadn't been there. You would've never guessed in that year thatthe Colonel (I suppose I should be calling him General now) was the leader of our group.Not with the way Samtook the reigns and maneuvered us in our subtle struggles with one another, keeping us precariously balanced while we each selfishly brewed in our own personal thoughts and emotions.

Everything a true leader should have been doing, making us communicate and work as a real team,instead of the unstructuredbaby-sitting toss up that Jack had initiated.

I'm sure she had a few laughs at our expense. We must have seemed about the closest thing to childlike: O'Neill passing me off to be taken care of while he refused to admit the reason behind his silent and hostile behavior towards me and the universe, me getting excited at the tiniest incident and passively building my aggression against him, wanting nothing more than to fight the old man at every turn.

I don't know what Teal'c thought, but it seemed to me that he spent an unusual amount of time with Major…Colonel, Colonel Carter.

I cannot speak first hand of his mannerisms before Dr. Jackson's Ascension, but from what I could make of stray conversations and sided observations among random members of the SGC, it seems that Sam and Teal'c's interaction with one another increased.

I theorized that it must have been because Jack would not open up to her, and I was, for sparse term, and outsider to their established group. And from what I gather of how close Daniel Jackson and her were, I conclude that both of them were looking to fill a void left by his absence.

I also think it's because, in his stoic way, Teal'c was also hurting profusely from his friend's "death" of sorts, and he wanted to make Sam feel better so that she would smile and make him feel better.

Odd, that thought.

But I can see how that would make the most sense…Sam had those smiles that just…brightened your mood.

Like the ones she gave me.

There was her playful smile, where her eyes would widen a bit and her mouth would go up on one end. Then her eyebrows would rise for a short instance with brief suggestiveness. This usually came after I pointed something about certain situations that didn't quite seem to fit, and that seemed erratic to me. It was her advantage for making me nervous about what I didn't understand, hoping at the same time that she would and would not use it against me.

And her knowledgeable smile, in which her mouth would curve softly and humor would pepper her demeanor as she either tried to explain to me a concept I did not grasp, or just kept quiet because she didn't think I needed to know. This response made me confused, but light hearted, because her attitude was dizzyingly fun, leaving me with so much curiosity, wanting to pursue more.

I absently wondered if my smiles had ever belonged to anyone else.

_My _smiles?

That doesn't sound right, and yet I know it is. She never gave those smiles to anyone else the entire year or so that I was a member of Earth's most valued flagship team.

Maybe for her it's the other way around. Maybe we give _her_ something that elicits those responses reserved specifically for the men of SG-1. What other reason would anyone find to have us deserve those invigorating variations of a smile?

I will have to ask her someday.

There's one more, probably the one I miss the most. It's that megawatt beam that blinds you. That enthusiastic, you're-a-genius-and-I-just-got-an-idea, brilliant breakthrough, full-fledged grin that would appear after I made a discovery, or my comments and illustrative hand gestures on certain projects would give her the edge she'd been looking for.

Though, strangely, I somehow felt that that particular smile hadn't belonged to me alone. I'm not sure what gave me that impression, since no one else had ever received it in my presence.

But as I dabble in hindsight, I realize that I did not feel that way until I saw how she looked at Dr. Jackson when he came back to this plane of existence.

I had a mind to feel slightly jealous, but I realize that Daniel must have had that smile before me. And perhaps it had just been nice for her to be able to use it once he was gone, probably to remind her of him, something that made her happy, even in his wake.

In my whole term on earth I had not found a person more complicated or simple than Samantha Carter. Wearing your emotions on your sleeve does not neccesarily make you an open book, there is much a knotted mees waiting for those who wish to explore the displayed hearts and minds of such a woman. I speak from expierience.

Samantha Carter has three extra smiles, and I miss them terribly.


	3. Ties profound

I, Samantha Carter, have three different guys.

Five if you count Jonas Quinn and Pete Shanahan.

But I do not have ties to them that are as utterly profound as the ones I share with Daniel Jackson, Teal'c, and Jonathan "Jack" O'Neill.

And lately things have been cosmically disastrous between the four of us.

I don't know when it started. When that boulder was released and we all began to stumble along this path that seemed to be heading nowhere but downwards.

But it was becoming an annoyingly constant rivet in our lives as a team, and it was not going to be easy to get rid of, despite it's overall recentness in our long term friendship.

I suppose I first noticed it when I found the men brooding earlier in Daniel's office and they offered me the revelation of the fact that things were really changing between us…all of us. And my engagement was not beside itself in the issue or reasons for this transformation that was taking place.

Suddenly, the warning signals that my subconscious had been unsubtly blaring at me for quite a while began to be acknowledged by my conscious mind, and I was bowled over by the conclusions it was drawing.

For so many years we had become used to one way of life: work, work, go off world and end up in trouble, come back home and get _out_ of trouble, go back off world and make sure we don't make the same mistake twice.

We were each other's only friends on downtime, any other person not directly part of the SGC, was always put of by the information we had to keep from them, and the hours, days, and sometimes months, where we could never be found because of a classified mission that would be incomprehensible to a human mind unless you were in the absolute know about the organization and all its quirks.

We gave up trying to form relationships outside of our working environment, and Teal'c had not even attempted this venture previously.

It used to be so simple to just spend downtime with Janet and Cassandra, or have lunch with Sergeant Siler, or relax with the guys at O'Malley's.

We used to not need anymore.

Even Jack, with his boasting of being the only one on the entire base to have something remotely resembling a life outside of the program, spent most of his downtime alone, and would return to work as soon as the emptiness of his solitary cabin made him miss the odd companionship of his team.

But…and I will never be able to explain why…I can tell you the answers to some of the greatest mysterious of infinite galactic regions…yet I will never figure this puzzle out…but, for some reason, I walked into my empty house one evening (or morning, I had worked pretty hard and late, nothing unusual) and I felt a bout of sickness bleed into my heart. And I could not stand the sight of my hollow abode that was nothing more to me now than an establishment where I could pick up my mail and sleep.

That was the first moment since joining the program, where it pained me physically, to know that I never had more.

It was not very long after that.

In an area of my head that I rarely visited, I started to mentally record this same restless behavior in the men I had come to cherish and adore.

After all, we had always done everything together, why should I think that this revelation could possibly be solely mine?

Teal'c was the very next, I decided, to come to the same observation. Which was very much astounding. I would have never thought he would want to pursue etching out a status here on earth. But he was a very perceptive man. He probably decided after assessing my own attitude, that eventually we were each going to feel the same to some extent, and figured he wouldn't waist any time.

So he got an apartment. Albeit a shortly lived in one, but nonetheless…

Then Daniel…Well, he took an expected route, and began searching off world for an "outside" life. What else was to come from a man who had instantly traded in his own planet, which he had lived on for about thirty years, for a world that he had experienced for less than a month?

His wandering mannerisms were slight but detectable. He tensed and hardened a bit in his demeanor, but made friends as easily as he'd ever had. Easier among those of the female persuasion, now that he had edged into more of a military role, and displayed his bookish and shy musings less often.

He will request to be left behind one day, on a world that he wants to make his home.

And I will not stop him, although it saddens me to my very soul, because I can never say no to him.

The General was the last to catch this feverish emotion. Most likely because he got out more than the rest of us, but it did not elude him and he hinted at being stir crazy.

I will never talk to him about it, but we both know that he wouldn't have picked up on SG-1's suddenly unanimous urge to become social creatures if I hadn't gotten myself engaged.

I heard about Kerry Johnson through the grapevine.

I'd met her twice. I'd liked her.

She was intelligent, we were able to discuss in mild detail some equations and anomalies we had encountered before in our time at the SGC.

She was polite, but not overtly. If you managed to get her talking about a subject she felt passionately on, then every pretense of etiquette was abandoned, and she didn't notice or didn't care who she offended.

She was lovely, in appearance and in her light humor. Her hair was a dark, shadowy brown color, cut in short layers that curled at the bottom where it's length ended just before reaching the middle of her slender throat. Her face was void of make-up…she didn't need any with her even complexion and lightly tanned cream skin that showcased her delicate but fiercely poised features.

And her eyes were green. Like trees. Speckled with gray. Like rocks.

With merely a first impression she had managed to gain my good grace.

With merely a first date to a certain General, she had quickly fallen out of it.

But I played the professional, as was a habit of eight years, because I knew for a fact that Jack felt the same way about Pete as I now did about Kerry. That managed itself some solace in my troubled thinking.

So I guess we all found what we needed…or wanted. A fiancé, an apartment, a quest for another home, and a girlfriend…

But we lost things too…things that we have shared for eight years. A love that used to be worth waiting for, a piece of our lives once reserved for each other, conversations outside of work, and ties that were agonizingly tearing apart strand by strand.

Soon it was all going to blow up.

We were all just pretending here, we didn't really need a life outside of work and each other; we didn't truly want our free time to be spent with anyone who wasn't one of the four SG-1 members.

It's going to unravel on us sooner or latter. It's going to explode.

After that happens, we'll either hate the sight of one another, or be even closer than we ever were.

I have three men.

With Jack O'Neill I shared an unrequited love and a barely tamed passion, and now we share awkward tension. With Daniel Jackson I shared intellect and exuberant loyalty, now we share cryptic messages on an answering machine. With Teal'c I shared comfortable reflection and mutual heartache, now we share a glance on the battlefield.

And I wonder if I'll ever regain the connections that once so urgently bound us together.


End file.
